What I Have Learned from Black Betty

Black Betty and I just celebrated our 1 year anniversary. We have had our highs and lows, but through it all I love her all the same. I never fathomed before starting my natural journey that my hair could teach me anything, but just like all of the other relationships in my life, I have learned a great deal from my partner.  Here are few things I have learned.

• Something about natural hair leads people to believe that I am a part of a petting zoo.  Family and best friends always get passes for touching my hair, but I never knew associates, coworkers, and complete strangers felt entitled to feel up on Black Betty with or without my permission.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           
• It's a little kinky, and they like it.  Before my Big Chop, I assumed that the unwanted attention I received from males would at least come to a minimum.  It was a factor that I had actually looked forward to because I hate getting hit on to begin with, and it became even more annoying when I became a wife.  Unfortunately, Baby Black Betty didn't keep the fellows away, but she did seem to command respect.  The men have been calmer and more courteous in their approach since I've been natural, but they still have to get shut down (kindly).                                                                                                                                   

•  Even after having straight hair for most of life, my loved ones forgot that I knew how use a flat iron .   My mommy always tells me that I can't assume that everyone knows the things I know just because it's common knowledge to me, and she is absolutely right.  I always knew that natural could be straighten by the use of heat, always.  Since I've been natural I've had a lot of friends inform me that I can still straighten my hair if I want to by using a flat iron like they learned the information yesterday. Does anyone remember press and curls other than me?   And yes, I still know how to plug in a flat iron if I ever have the desire to use it.

•  Time management can be improved by having dense coily hair.  I have had to get up or stay up until the wee hours in the morning to style my hair before going out in public.  I also only schedule important hair care events on my days off.  Yes, I block off whole days to do my hair because it saves time later and frustration instantly.  Besides that Black Betty deserves to be pampered.

•  Bad hair days are in the eye of the beholders.  On the days when I don't allot enough time for majestic hair styling to place like when I choose to cuddle with T instead twisting and curling, I have to make it work.  I give myself thirty minutes or less to come up with some sorry excuse for a style.  I often am not completely happy with style, but I always love my hair.  Unlike some, I accept bad hair days.  They aren't my favorite, but I don't allow them to shame me into devastation.  On those days I spend the least amount of time and effort doing my hair.  Those are the day I get the bulk of compliments.  "Your hair is so gorgeous.".....Today?  Really? Uhhhh..Thanks.

• Saying the least, does the most.  Some family members and friends became really combative when I let BB grow.  Who knew the hair growing from my scalp could cause other people to be so enraged?  The best responses to rude remarks are silence and simple statements like "I like my hair the way it is."  Ultimately I knew that no one would volunteer to come to my house and care for my hair every day, so the opinion with weight was and is mine. :)

• People will put insults in interrogative form to seem harmless.  "So, do you actually like your hair looking like that?"  No, I just keep it like this because I've forgotten how to flat iron it. Yes, I like it.   I know that when people ask me in certain tones about how I feel about Black Betty that they are projecting their distaste for her.  Anyone who knows me knows that I will not continue to do what I don't like.  The very fact that they would ask me those  kinds of questions knowing my personality is a slap in the face.  I would rather have honesty than stupid questions.  Just say you don't like it, gosh.

What has your hair taught you?

8 month update slideshow

Eccentric Reserve: No Pressure from P

Eccentric Reserve: No Pressure from P

No Pressure from P

  My husband, other than myself, is the biggest fan of Black Betty(my hair).  He likes to play in my hair, and even enjoys watching me while I style it.  I told him about the dangers of relaxers right after I decided that my last relaxer was my last relaxer.  It's been a little over six months since my BC. Yaay!
  The new questions he has about my hair have been about things that I would expect, length retention, style preference, possibility of color, and things of that nature.  Here are some that I did not expect.  "Are you trying to get your sister to stop relaxing her hair?" "Why not?  It's not good for her.  She should stop."  It totally threw me for a loop.  I am not one to push anything on to anyone.  It's a little funny that he expects me to be a natural hair Nazi.
  Having said that, I think some of my loved ones feel pressure from me just because I'm natural.  I have never told anyone that she should stop relaxing her hair.  I have never said that any of them should stop straightening their hair.  I just live my life with my coily hair.  I guess she is a statement within herself.   I have no desire for straight hair, but just like with everything else, I know that my choices are only applicable to me.  I enjoy seeing different styles and textures.  Is that rare? lol
  Do you think that people expect you to be a Natural hair Nazi even if you aren't just because you have natural hair?  Do you ladies with straightened natural hair feel that people expect you to dislike curly hair in its natural state just because you choose to straighten it?

So...What Are You Going to Do Now?

  Now that most of my friends and family have seen my hair a few of them have the same question "What are you going to do with it now that it's natural?"  Do the majority of women with relaxed hair and men think that the only two natural styles are the blown-out fro and locks?  Natural hair is not only capable of styles specifically created for natural hair but also capable of most if not all of the relaxed hair styles. I can do roller sets and permrod sets just like I did when I was relaxed.  I can do strawsets (on actual straws).  I can create up-dos, Bantu knots, and fro-hawks with my hair.  My hair can be cornrowed, flat twisted, double strand twisted, finger coiled, comb coiled, or pinned up on one side.  If I so desired (but I don't) I could get sew-ins, quick weaves, micros, box braids with extensions, kinky twists, and even (gasp) straight hair.
  Why do others think that natural hair is so limited? Did you think that before your hair was natural?  I didn't.  I knew that natural hair could do anything that relaxed hair could and more even when I was young.  Maybe it's coming from the same place as the "Natural hair is unmanageable" bull feces does.  I don't know.  What are your thoughts?

Do You Use This On Your Hair?

I was so honored today when I was nervously picking out styling tools and products in Sally Beauty today, a young woman maybe a couple of years asked me "Do you use this on your hair?" Now of course being the natural hair enthusiast that I am, I had already spotted my fellow curly girl, but I was shocked when she asked me for my advice. Once she asked me the question, I glanced down to see the Eco Styler Olive Oil Styling Gel perched in her hand. I smiled, and I told her my opinion about it. I told her about the mistakes I made with it. She received my advice well, and I think that I helped her reach a good decision.
She informed me that a local knowledgeable about natural hair did her Big Chop last month. I was so happy for her because a lot of us start off all wrong without any guidance or the first clue on how to care for our hair. I also went back to four months ago when I was in El Cajon, California pacing up and down the Wal-Mart hair product aisle. I was so frustrated while I read ingredient lists, and scanned passers-by in hopes of finding another person of my race (a rarity within itself) rocking his/her kinky-curly hair (darn near impossible). My stylist in El Cajon, the lovely Ms.Yolande of La Dolce Belladonna Salon & Spa, was natural, but the products she used for her own hair were a little out of a sister's price point. (lol) It just would have been nice to have a non-licensed natural give me the scoop on his/her regimen or a new conditioner that worked wonders for him/her.
Now that I'm seeing more and more naturals in my town, I hope my experience will be replicated exponentially with other naturals. Stepping into the Wonderful World of Natural Hair Oz can be both exhilarating and terrifying. If you see another naturilsta(o) dwelling in bewilderment, help her/him out. Be the beacon of light that you wished you had when you were in her/his position. :)

Hypocrit(ics)es

I'm currently searching for some gospel and contemporary Christian music to expand my mp3 player's library. I've been searching on a few different websites, and I have to say that I'm disappointed. I'm not disappointed at the selections the sites have, I'm disappointed in the critiques made by "Christians." Some of these self proclaimed righteous people have the audacity to say that Contemporary Christian artists are forgetting to spread the message of salvation. Newsflash: Most of the Gospel music listeners are already saved or in pursuit of salvation. What's wrong with listening to songs that remind us that we are great creations of God like "Get Up" by Mary Mary ? I'll tell you what's wrong with the songs, nothing. Artists like Tye Tribbett, Mary Mary, Israel Houghton, and Kirk Franklin have made their music attractive to young people. Young people as a whole do not like to turn on their car radios to hear "Near The Cross." Young people like music they can relate to, and for most of us slow lined hymns don't quite make the cut. Christians should understand that each musical style touches each person in a very unique way. Just because one person loves an old Negro spiritual because her grandmother used to sing at church every Sunday, doesn't mean that song will have an equal value in another Christian heart. Gospel for the most part has influenced and been influenced by secular music. Dancing for Jesus isn't sinful. Feeling the same passion and vigor for God as some people feel for the World/the clubs isn't wrong. God didn't deem rhythm and blues as evil. Why are you so preoccupied with it?

Natural Woman

My life has changed a great deal in the last year, but one major change has been my hair. I decided to stop getting relaxer after my last relaxer in the first week in April. I did my BIG CHOP on June 12th. It has almost been 4 months, and I've never been happier with my hair. I've had everything from positive comments to ignorant questions about my hair, but just like every other part of me I embrace despite how others may feel about it.
I would have never imagined that my life would change by a decision I made about my hair. I've made a new friends. I have a whole network of sisters that support natural movement and me. Through this I have also realized that there are more people with odd personalities like me. Of course no two people are exactly alike, but I have never experienced this many people of my race whom are so similar to me. It's awesome! Where have you been all of my life?! Well, I'm glad you're here now, and I intend to keep you. :)

Sleep

Sleep is my escape.

What is wrong with being awake?

Consciousness requires confrontation of the truth.

While awake I cannot choose to be aloof.

I must always know.

Knowing is not necessarily injurious you see

But what I am obligated to know does torture me.

Why can I not sleep to shield myself from agony?

When I sleep I am such pleasant company.

I do not mope around like a pup kicked in her side.

As I sleep I am not compelled to hide

The emotions that reside inside

May I enter my paradise and become lost in it?

I care not whether delightful dreams or naughty nightmares await.

I fear most being awake.

Allow me to escape from the light.

I bid thee...

Good night

First Blog

Hello all. I've finally set up this page. Yaaay! I cannot wait to share my profound thoughts, but at 2:24 am they are not readily available. I have to finish emailing my husband before I fall asleep on the keyboard. :) I bid thee goodnight. -----------12 days until my big move.